The kind of people nobody can help By Joseph Matrera

The kind of people nobody can help 

By Joseph Matrera 

Adapted by Josimar Salum

People willing to be helped seek God's Kingdom first, they have a vision for the future and a positive outlook on life, they take responsibility for theirs lives, they always pay a price for success, they are accountable, radically true to themselves, kingdom oriented, transparent, humble, wholesome and they keep covenant."

I’ve been involved in pastoral leadership for over 30 years, and I have a desire to help everyone. But, I have learned the hard way that I cannot help every person who attends our church or who comes to me for input.

The following are ten kinds of people I have identified that are so entrenched in certain habit patterns that I cannot help them advance to the next level unless they make the necessary shift in their attitude or behavior.

1 - Those that do not have a heart to seek God 

The Bible teaches us that “the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom”. (Proverbs 9:10). 

Those who do not respect God enough to seek Him and study His word so they can make wise decisions in life are violating Scripture (Joshua 1:8-9) and cannot be helped either by myself or any other leader. 

“Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.””

Those who do not obey what God requires for success have decided to try to be successful in life without God’s blessings!

2 - Those that refuse to have a vision for their future 

There are many very talented and anointed people I have been in relationship with who live their lives without any strategic plan or vision for their future. They are just living from day-to-day to prepare for their retirement. 

Those who are successful have a compelling vision that drives them daily and which feeds their souls even more than the desire to make money! 

Inside of every believer is a God-given kingdom vision for their future. If a person refuses to tap into that as their guiding light–and value that vision as their barometer for success–then my continual pep or enthusiasm talks will not do the trick either!

3 - Those who insist on having a negative outlook on life 

There are some people who refuse to exercise faith in God or think positively as the Word of God commands us in Philippians 4:8. This is because some have a propensity to expect the worst in life so they are never disappointed by anyone or anything! 

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

This is a weird way some folks attempt to shield their emotions from the pain of disappointment; it is a very common practice with many people.  

Jesus often told people that they would receive according to how they believed (for example Matthew 8:13). 

“And to the centurion Jesus said, "Go; let it be done for you as you have believed." And the servant was healed at that very moment.”

I cannot empower a person who refuses to think God’s thoughts about themselves and about life.

“God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?”” Hebrews 13:5-6 

4 - Those who do not take responsibility for themselves 

The first step towards self-improvement is to remove all excuses for mediocrity or failure. Those that continually blame other people for their failures will never go to the next level. 

Leaders can complain about their spouses, the income level of their congregations, the lack of staff, etc. but I have learned that within every challenge is the seed of opportunity for success which requires the creativity of problem solving.

5 - Those who do not want to pay the price for success 

There are many people that want the perks of success but don’t want to pay the price for success.

When I was a teenager I had a goal of becoming a master guitar player. For seven years I practiced the guitar for 3-8 hours per day as well as playing in numerous bands. While my friends were outside playing ball or wasting time doing drugs I would shut myself up in my house and study jazz, rock, blues, classical, etc. and spend hours doing scales on my guitar (which I often did even while watching television). Because of this sacrifice I gained mastery over my instrument in various kinds of music and was in high demand as a musician.

Whatever we do in life, we are called to sacrifice our time, invest our talents, and be committed to a long, grueling process with many setbacks until we reach our peak performance. 

This kind of sacrifice is needed in every area we desire success in including our marriages, relationships with our children, schools, associations, community centers, leading a company and ministry, etc.

Consequently, I have found that I am not able to empower a person to the fullness of their destiny if they don’t want to work hard at self-improvement.

6 - Those that create distance so they are not accountable 

There are certain people I have met in our church who only let others get so close before cutting off the relationship. Many go from one church to the next because they fear becoming too close to a leader who will hold them accountable. 

Often some will attempt to attend a megachurch where they will be able to hear the word of God in the context of a large crowd so that no one will really know who they are. 

Whether it is fear or rebellion, those who live like this have put a low ceiling on their lives and will not grow past the infant stage concerning their potential in life.

7 - Those who live in self-deception 

There are many people who are living lives of denial regarding their relationships with God and their families and all things regarding their inner and outer lives. 

The sad thing is that denial is the first step to outright deception in which a person concocts an alternate, false reality that continually feeds their mind and emotions the things they want to hear about themselves and their key relationships. This insulates them from the word of the Lord from others and the Holy Spirit. 

When you confront people like this they become upset and blame you for not understanding them or for wrongfully accusing them of something. 

These are the people I cannot help unless God steps in and delivers them from satanic deception (read 2 Timothy 2:23-25).

“Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth,” 2 Timothy 2:23-25 

8 - Those whose primary agenda is individualistic and not kingdom-oriented

There are some people whose only agenda in life is to advance their own agenda. They don’t want to work with a team or flow in the context of a local church. They want me to pour my life into them but they are rarely ever willing to pour back into other people's lives  and serve in the Kingdom of God. 

I have learned that those who only want to use the their mentors or God to advance their own agendas (even if it is ministry related) have greatly limited their own lives. Thus, I back away from these people until they change. This is because we are all called to seek first God’s kingdom in which we need to die to our individualistic sense of destiny and sacrifice and invest our time for the good of other people and our communities, and especially our family of God.

This in turn will do more to release our greatest destiny–even more than if we only concentrate on our own agendas!

9 - Those who lack transparency, humility, and integrity 

The Bible teaches us to walk in the light as He is in the light (1 John 1:7). It also teaches us to confess our faults to one another and pray for one another that we may be healed (James 5:16). Those that do not admit their faults and confess their sins cannot have the kind of relationship with a mentor suitable for personal growth. 

It is important for me to have a transparent relationship with those I am mentoring since a person who conceals their sins from me is not giving me a chance to fully speak into their life and help them in their areas of weakness. 

Those who want to progress in their spiritual formation have to learn to practice the spiritual discipline of confession of sin (Proverbs 28:13).

“Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy."

"People willing to be helped seek God's Kingdom first, have a vision for the future and a positive outlook on life, take responsibility for theirs lives, always pay a price for success, are accountable, radically true to themselves, kingdom oriented, transparent, humble, wholesome and keep covenant."

10 - Those who refuse to keep covenant 

I have been with very talented individuals with great calling on their lives that I had to back away from because they did not know how to remain faithful to their obligations or because they broke confidence by continually talking behind other people’s backs. 

God says that a person who doesn’t keep their word (whatever the cost) and who slanders their neighbor cannot dwell in His tents (Psalm 15:3-4) so who am I to think that this kind of person can dwell in my inner circle for personal development!

“Lord, who may dwell in your sacred tent? Who may live on your holy mountain? Whose tongue utters no slander, who does no wrong to a neighbor, and casts no slur on others; who despises a vile person but honors those who fear the Lord; who keeps an oath even when it hurts, and does not change their mind;” Psalm 15:1, 3-4